Revenge Against Giant Squid
Posted on March 7, 2007
You know what really makes me want to plunge? Giant Squid. Not because they have the biggest eyes in the animal kingdom or because their weiners (slang for penis) are 3 feet long. Nope, all of that stuff is just fine and dandy. The problem is, nobody has ever given them a taste of their own medicine. They float around their whole life with all these suction cups, yet none of them are plumbers. With eight tentacles and hundreds of suctions cups on each, they could unclog thousands of toilets a day and contribute to the economy. You would think evolution would lead them on this path, since we would be less likely to eat them if they put their tentacles into toilets.
You know what giant squid like to do with their suction cups? They use them to eat and enjoy sticking them to whales! You don’t see me using my plunger as a spoon, it’s too big and I’m not a giant squid. Next time I find myself in the middle of the ocean and I meet a giant squid I’m going to pray I have my plunger with me because I think it’s time we get even. Their heads are round and wet, creating the ideal location for a plunger to become stuck. The next time a 33-foot giant squid is found, you know what to do.
Don’t let these giant squid continue to steal media attention away from American Idol or Anna Nicole Smith. Do you want your children to see them every night and have nightmares? At least make sure they show up on TV with a plunger stuck to their head, they’ll no longer be frightening.
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