Shave My Baby One More Time
Posted on March 23, 2007
You know who really makes me want to plunge? Britney Spears. By now, we have all heard that Britney Spears entered a drug rehabilitation facility in Antigua and then later another in Malibu. In the process, she got a tattoo and shaved off all her hair herself with clippers. Do you think she did this because she is mildly psychotic? Of course not. Britney Spears shaved off her hair because she is jealous of the childhood she never had which she is now supposed to make a reality for her children. The only logical solution was therefore to shave her head so she could resemble her children at birth and therefore return to her childhood. According to this article, time travel is theoretically possible, so decide for yourself if you think Britney Spears is a cutting edge scientist or a victim of Post-partum psychosis.
BritneySpears.com is currently asking people to send their thoughts and inspiration to Britney Spears. I sent a letter, but unfortunately they have not yet posted it:
“Dear Britney Spears,
I know you may have lost contact with reality for the time being and that you are probably unaware that your vivid hallucinations and impossible delusions are unrealistic. Delusions typically occur in the context of neurological or mental illness and are associated with many psychotic disorders, including schizophrenia. Don’t let your paranoia get you down or lead you to irrational or excessive behaviour. I think it’s great that your website is having all the 12 year olds, for whom you are a role model, send you letters of support. If you were poor, homeless and living in a third world country without your own personal website you’d have to face your psychosis alone. We’re all here for you. Not because we know you or really care, but because media and pop culture have dictated your importance so that we don’t bother politicians about wars in Iraq or climate change.
Hope you’re well soon, or at least before your children have hair and you start shaving their heads.
Sincerely,
Jayden James Federline” (I thought it would freak her out if it was from one of her kids)
I encourage everyone to send in their letters of support! Don’t let Britney Spears travel back to the 90’s. If you see her, stick her with your plunger! It won’t hold her back, but you can at least use it to cover her bald head!
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