Remote Controlled Pigeons
Posted on April 20, 2007
You know what really makes me want to plunge? The military. All of them! The People’s Daily Online reports that scientists in China have successfully found a way to use brain implants in pigeons to control the birds’ movement. This of course means that every military in the world is already trying to figure out how they can strap pigeons with an AK-47 and use them as weapons of mass destruction. Don’t be surprised if George Bush announces a plan to invade Iran because satellite photos have spotted pigeons gathering in large numbers around what may or may not be bread crumbs…
The U.S military has already tried creating remote controlled sharks and currently trains dolphins to search for mines.
“Scientists with the Robot Engineering Technology Research Center of east China’s Shandong University of Science and Technology say they implanted micro electrodes in the brain of a pigeon so they can command it to fly right or left or up or down.
The implants stimulated different areas of the pigeon’s brain according to signals sent by the scientists via computer, and forced the bird to comply with their commands.” - http://hackedgadgets.com/
Since we shouldn’t have to worry about a missile defense system against pigeons for another two or three years, I’ll focus the rest of this article on some of the benefits that could arise from this technology!
Let’s face it, most pigeons populate the downtown sectors of large cities where they spend their days on the streets begging for food. This technology will suddenly increase the demand for pigeons and thus open many new employment possibilities for the birds!
The second big advantage comes from the fact that we all think it’s really cool the way Harry Potter gets his mail delivered to him by an owl. Of course, putting brain implants into owls would disturb many people and stir up animal activists, whereas with pigeons, you have the advantage that most of them are carrying diseases anyways that brain implants don’t seem as offensive. While it will be unfortunate to put all the post office workers out of a job, I don’t think society will be able to pass up the opportunity as many companies will note that free pigeon labor will allow them to stop making use of child labor.
Of course, this will inevitably lead to people testing brain implants in humans so maybe the best thing to do is to get out that plunger and use it to suck the implants out of the head of any pigeons you see delivering mail
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